LOVE FOOL....

I was at my family’s Christmas gift exchange last night, and I had a conversation with one my sisters in law, and we were just having small talk. Then she asked me the question that I am not able to really answer very well, which is, “how is your love life?” that is a tough one.

How is it? How do I respond to that? Coming from a family that everyone has someone and you are the only single one, it kind of gets thrown in your face UN- intentionally. I know everyone says, you are not alone you have all of us! Or you are not alone you have your son!

It’s not the same, as humans we are never satisfied in life, we always want more. I of course want more, the things that I want to change I’m doing, I want to grow as a person, but for some reason when it comes to the LOVE department, it sucks!!!

I think I have rammed my head over and over trying to figure out what I am doing wrong in this situation. I realized I have given my all too quickly, thinking that if they know the nitty gritty of me, then they will love me for me. One thing we have to realize is our behavior in these situations. In a way you do have to play this game. You don’t have to lie or be a player, but you have to weed out the potential douche bags and assholes. If they really want you for you then they will show you.

You kind of have to give yourself in doses, I know some women who do what I do, and it can come off desperate or needy when really you are not. I think when you like someone so much all you want to do, is show them that you are the best in every way, so they can like you. But it ends up backfiring in your face. I know it has happened to me so many times. I tend to blame the guy, but I’m starting to see my approach on things. A friend of mine gave me some advice when this guy and I had our first argument, my friend didn’t really know the whole situation, but  my friend knew how I was and the only advice he gave me was to give him space. That’s it!!!

Plain and simple, give space, give you in doses.

It may flourish to more it may not, we have to start taking out the possibility of it becoming more because when you have that illusion in your head, you put pressure without even realizing you are doing that. You might eventually see things clearly, when you back away a bit.

I once spoke to a GURU and he gave me the best and such simple advice that you can use when it comes to MEN. He said that all you need to be is happy, men don’t want a miserable person who cries all the time and is a nag and is just always complaining. Now I know that so far people must be thinking why you are settling for this type of relationship, if you are not satisfied. Well easy answer, because I care about him too much to let him go. I know that I can leave, or accept what I get. He has been 100% clear with me on what he wants right now in life. He wants me there in his life as a friend that is all. I can either take it or leave it. I choose to take it, before I was expecting more out of it, I had created this illusion in my head of more with him. We have to face the facts, well not we but I have to face the facts. He doesn’t want anything more right now. I don’t know what the future will hold with me and this “Friend” but what I do know that anything is possible.

I will continue to live my life, and just be happy with who I am, I will take out all the expectations from my mind.

Like I said in my last blog, I will start pursuing some other activities for myself; I am so hungry to learn something new. So far I have narrowed it down to two things, first will be a writing class, and second will be studying how to speak Portuguese. I thought either Italian or Portuguese; I realized that I will have more use to learning Portuguese here in Miami.

Well if I don’t write another blog before the New Year, I want to wish you all a happy and safe New Year.

Take care and thanks for reading

Catalina J