Cheating...

 

May 1, 2012

Listening to: Adele

Miami, Florida

 

In life we either fall into the category of being cheated on, or the one who does the cheating, or sometimes in those rare occasions the one that has cheated on their partner gets cheated   on as well. Why talk about this, well it is something that has happened to me. I can honestly say that I have never in my 30 years of living on this earth has never cheated on anyone. It is not the best thing in the world to get cheated on especially if it is by someone who you love and trust.

After getting cheated on twice in my life I realized that sometimes you can’t always trust even the person that you are with. 

The first time I ever got cheated on was with a guy that was in the military. Let me give you a slight back story about this one. Let me begin by saying that I plead insanity for what you are about to read. You will think this is the craziest thing ever done. I can explain at the time I had just gotten out of a 5 year relationship with someone that I was living with. I had to start over in so many ways I had lost myself in that relationship. I didn’t know who I was without that person. I had to move back home with my parents and just deal with all that I had in my mind. On top of that when I was in that relationship of 5 years I had gained a lot of weight. I had blown up to 315 pounds. A few months after that relationship, something had clicked in my head and made me realize that I didn’t want to be like that anymore.

It was late May I had gone onto Yahoo chat for several weeks because I was not able to sleep so I stayed up chatting with men and trying to see if Mr. Right might be on the other side.

His screen name was Soldier medic and he sent me the first message, we had exchanged pictures and spoke for a week and a half on line until we decided to exchange phone numbers. We started talking on the phone after that. It got intense fast. He told me everything that I wanted to hear, I was naive, vulnerable, and eating up every word that came out of his mouth. It was to the point by the third week of speaking with one another on the phone; he told me he loved me. My mind told me that this is not real. To not believe it, but my heart was the sucker and took it all in. Finally he decided he wanted to see me. For me the only way to see him was that he came to Miami. He finally came up with the master plan of me going to see him. I had not traveled by myself ever. Every trip I had ever taken in my life had either been with family or a friend. Call me sheltered but that was a scary thought for me to fly alone. Especially all I can remember as a child is always getting sick on the flights that I would go on with my family. My mother would always have to collect all the barf bags from my siblings, because just in case if I have to throw up, which usually I did! So that was one of my fears having to throw up on a plane all by myself without my mother there to hold my hair back and tell me everything will be OK.

In my mind I had decided that if he pays for my ticket to go there and for everything else than that meant he loved me. That he wanted me there. I went to Texas I had lied to my family and told them I was going to the keys with my friends. He had met me at the airport. And the first thing I thought in my mind is that it can go two ways. This can be the most amazing thing in the world or I will never see my family again because I will probably be chopped up into tiny little pieces. One thing for sure is that all the shit I put myself in I most definitely have an angel watching over me.

We meet for the first time and the first thing he did was kiss me right there at the entrance of the airport. It was a long deep kiss, Like in the movies. I couldn’t believe it! He is kissing me; he really does love me he finds me attractive all those thoughts were running through my brain. I was there that whole weekend and had an amazing time. Now the true test was coming back to Miami. “The test” if he calls me when I am home than he cares. But if he didn’t call me then all I was to him was a very expensive piece of ass.

Months passed I went again to San Antonio to see him graduate I had met his family. This was very interesting to say the least. Finally at the end of July I went to go visit him this time in Leesville Louisiana population 1,000. Where there shopping mall is a Wal-Mart. I had stayed there for 2 weeks. This time my family new everything. The first week was great we had gone out and he showed me around which didn’t take long to do in a week. But for some reason the second week had changed, it was like Jekyll and Hyde. He became something else I started noticing his drinking. He had drunk every night. If it was not beer it was hard liquor. We wouldn’t do anything because he was tired. He wouldn’t kiss me the same. When I kiss I like the whole passionate kiss, making out and all. He wouldn’t do that. He told me that he didn’t like to kiss that way. How do you change your kissing pattern from one week to the next? Then the night before I left we were having a conversation. I had caught him in a lie. One thing about him is that since he got caught he tried to make it seem like he had told me at the beginning the truth but I was not listening or never paid attention. When they are caught they try to turn it around and make it all about you. Manipulate you, into believing it is really you, that was not listening carefully or something like that. They get defensive. That night he drank himself to sleep. I had this sudden urge to check his phone. Now I don’t do this unless you give me a reason to. He gave me many reasons; the whole time we were talking I had caught him in many lies. But he would always make it about me. Manipulations 101 make it about the other person’s issues. I checked his phone and I found pictures that were titled babe’s legs these are skinny white legs with a bunch of stars tattooed on the foot. My legs are a bit darker looking, thicker and I have a tattoo of a lady bug on my foot. THOSE WERE NOT MY LEGS…….. The next picture was of her face smoking a cigarette…. THAT WAS NOT ME SMOKING...And the best of all pictures which I knew for sure it was not mine because I would never do this or ever take a picture of this and send to someone. It was a picture of her HoooHaaa or like Oprah calls it her Vajj….MOST DEFINITELY NOT MINE….I didn’t know what to do I was numb; the only thing that I can do was find a piece of paper and write to him on how I felt. Because I did contemplate of waking him, but now I realized that I don’t know this man at all, he is drunk and passed out and if he wakes up he is probably capable of doing anything to me.

This was my letter to him…..

Bravo mother fucker, academy award winning performance. I cannot believe that you could do this to me when I have never done anything to you. I have been nothing but good to you. The fact that you made me believe that you loved me and really this was all some type of game for you. I didn’t matter at all to you.

I woke him up the next morning questioning who Brit was; his response was that it’s his sister’s friend. I said to him what an amazing friend sending pictures of her VAGINA!!!! To you, so kind of her. (Insert sarcasm)

   I personally do not agree on cheating, I honestly think that lying and cheating are for the same kind of people which is a coward and a cowardly thing to do, you are too afraid of telling that person that you do not want to be with them. It is just a cop out. Why hurt someone or not just one person but two. At the end of the day, if you are bored or tired or they are not giving you enough sex, attention, love, or whatever it is. Than that just means that you should not be there anymore if you are thinking of someone else. Most of the time it is due to the fact that we do not want to work hard in our relationship so we give up. Or lack of communication. If you do not communicate to your partner by telling them how you feel than you shouldn’t even be in a relationship. Say what you need to say, because if you don’t you might regret it or worse do something stupid that you will regret later on. Do I believe I deserve to have been cheated on? No!! Do I believe that I have fault in the fact that my relationship did not go the way I wanted to? Maybe not in this instance. I feel like this was just some pre- gaming for me for what was to come next in my life, somewhat to prepare me in some way. One thing about me is that I try to find a meaning to everything that I have been through in life. In my relationship that I was in after soldier medic was a very large eye opener on cheating and who is to blame of the demise of a relationship. What I took from that was it was both of our faults when it came to the end of our relationship. But it was of his choosing how he wanted to end it. Which was to go off with my friend…?

Have you ever cheated and if you did why?

*Jennifer, 29

Hospital Admissions

                                     “I cheated because I was cheated on….I did it out of spite very typical of                                           a  woman to do"                      

*Derryck, 24

Radiologist Technician

        “No… it’s not right….period!!!”

*Antonio, 29

Hospital worker

                   “I have cheated..but the possible 5 seconds of an orgasm is not worth carrying the guilt for the rest of your life"

*Julie, 26

Hospitality

                    “I have never cheated…it is hard as hell but it will be in your conscious.”

*Fabi, 30

Psychologist

                           “No I have not cheated. There is no reason to cheat on someone. If you are in a trustworthy relationship where there is communication and love there is no need to cheat… but if one person is unhappy in the relationship it is better to depart on separate ways instead of cheating because in the end the cheater is the deceiver"

*Maribel, 38

Teacher

                        “No I have never cheated…don’t need to… if I am not happy with my partner I would do the right thing and break up!!”

*Katie, 21

Hospitality

                      “No I have never cheated and If I would have the intentions then I would just break up with the person to hurt there feelings”

*Jennifer, 29 

Banker

"I have cheated when i was younger involved in a long relationship,,felt i needed to explore...now that I'm mature,,i don't tolerate cheating..".

*Mario, 27

Driver/Technician

I cheated once, on my ex-wife because I held out for a year while
she was going through post-partum depression & I couldn't continue
rubbing 1 out 2-3 times a day. So 1 day the opportunity presented
itself & I took advantage of it. Men usually do more of the
cheating because most of us are immature ***holes or we're forced
into the situation like I was. With age comes wisdom so now a
responsible human being should leave the significant other in
order to avoid emotional destruction.

*“He that will cheat at play, will cheat you any way”

   Proverb quotes

*“Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life so. Aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something.”

 Henry David Thoreau quotes (American Essayist, Poet and Philosopher, 1817-1862)

    I would like to thank a person who I just met very recently, I am going to call him my crazy life, and he will understand what that means. To my crazy life, I want to thank you for opening up my eyes to certain things that I needed to do. This may not be what you wanted me to promise you, but this is something that I have wanted to do for a while and this is just the beginning. For what it is worth for knowing you so briefly you have touched my heart by being open and honest with me about yourself. Like I said to you before things happen for a reason and people come into our lives for a reason….

Sincerely, C.