Douche bags ….

                                         Calle 13-Atrevete

Miami, Florida

May 4, 2012

Listening to: Calle 13 & Nelly Furtado

What is a douche bag?

 According to the urban dictionary


 1. Douche bag

The term "douche bag" generally refers to a male with a certain combination of obnoxious characteristics related to attitude, social ineptitude, public behavior, or outward presentation.

Though the common douche bag thinks he is accepted by the people around him, most of his peers dislike him. He has an inflated sense of self-worth, compounded by a lack of social grace and self-awareness. He behaves inappropriately in public, yet is completely ignorant to how pathetic he appears to others.

He often talks about how cool, successful, and popular he is, yet never catches on to the fact that he comes across as a total loser. Nevertheless, he firmly believes that he is the smartest, most desirable, and most charming person in the room... and will try to bad-rep anyone who would threaten to expose this facade.

He fancies himself a ladies’ man, yet tends to be a joke to all but the most naive of women. He tries to portray himself as part of the in-crowd (a fashionista, an upwardly mobile professional, the life of the party, etc.) but only succeeds in his own mind.

To everyone else, he is an annoying and arrogant phony who comes across as a wannabe overcompensating for his insecurities. He tries to appear like the center of whatever group will tolerate him, but in reality, he is just a tag-along who mooches drinks, women, contacts, social standing and other benefits from the group... while contributing nothing.

A-list ego; D-list status.

   
We have all come in contact with a douche bag these days especially if you live in Miami.
Now don’t think that I am just referring to the male kind. I am not; I believe that there are male douche bags and female douche bags. I of course have come in contact with both types. But yes I have seen more male douche bags than female douche bags.

Douche bags can come in all different shapes and sizes. There are many types of them, some you can spot from a mile away and others you would never think they were, until after the fact.
 
It’s the way they act, the way they dress. In cases of living in Miami you get the ones that are really bad that I like to call the mueleros (the Hispanic douche) which are the ones that have major muela, basically to translate that, the sweet talker, the ones that think they have major game but you can tell they don’t when they open up their mouth with all the cheesy things they say to you.
I can go on and on about how many I have met in my life, but I will tell you a story of two douche bags that I have come in contact in my life.

Months after dating the military Douche bag, I got back on the horse and started the online dating again. One afternoon I came in contact with a guy online I was getting ready for work we spoke briefly and we exchanged numbers, after that we texted one another. We had talked on the phone for a while. Until finally we decided to meet, we met at a starbucks. At first I was not initially attracted to him. But I was intrigued by him; something was very mysterious, I needed to figure him out. I guess that is the analytical side of me wanting to fix him and help him he seemed sad in some way, like a lost puppy. He was funny and sarcastic, traits that I like in a man. We continued to talk and hang out, it was an intense friendship. I guess when two people have major insecurities and are in need of attention it can be intense. I have never been one that has been shy of asking for attention for all that knows me; they know I can be dramatic and emotional. So an interesting relationship began between him and I, at least for me it was a relationship, for him he had no clue what he wanted. I was still heavy at the time but losing the weight, I know that a lot had to do with my weight for him. It is interesting looking back now and writing this all down, women say that if a man was embarrassed of being with you for physical reasons most of them would say they would leave. I on the other hand did not. When I mean by embarrassed I mean by the fact that they will do everything with you in private they will call you and do intimate things with you and pretty much everything when it comes to a relationship with you, but when they are in public, they will not hold your hand and or show affection towards you because they are afraid of what people will think. Let me explain a little bit about him, we will call him the Colombian. Now the Colombian was a highly intelligent man very high IQ level, went to an Ivy League school but he was damaged in so many ways. He was damaged but it was fixable. At least I felt so. I had grown very attached to him, we would do so much together we would see one another as often as possible, it was like we were each other’s drug, we would crave one another and I at least thought and in some way still feel that it was love a very intense form of love.

Finally giving him an ultimatum and telling him that it would be his loss if he didn’t decide what he would want. I did believe it in some way when I would say that, because deep down inside I know the kind of person that I am I know that I am kind and caring, beautiful and smart, and I have so much love to offer a person. It was hard to believe all of that then, but I know for a fact now that I am all those things and more and any guy would be lucky to be with me. Finally he decided that he wanted to try. We embarked on a relationship that lasted only a year but it felt for me that it was much longer than that. It was a deep relationship, and as well intense. We had deep conversations and we would do dumb things. Like go shopping at Wal-Mart at 2am, we tried new things as often as possible but at the end of it, it somewhat fell into a routine, the routine of him doing hw and the routine of me laying in his bed waiting for him to finish while I watched TV. While it started becoming a routine I started feeling that I had to try to change it up a bit. I had a friend of 5 years that I was getting closer to or so I felt I was. She was married and had a child with her husband. I thought the Colombian and my friend would get a long because they were different, we were not your typical Miami people, at least we tried not to be.

Game night ….

We decided to do a couples game night, we went to my friends house and we would drink and play board games and get drunk and just talk shit. We would do this often. I was right my friend and the Colombian did click they got a long and that made me happy. The worse thing to me would be your friend and your boyfriend would not get a long, it would just makes things more difficult. Months would pass and we would go to her house again and have game night. Now this time they became such good friends that they would text one another.  I trusted them I never would think anything. I know a lot of people would call me stupid or dumb, but I don’t care what they think of me. Because really if you cannot trust your partner and your best friend in the same room with one another then what is the point of having them in your life. So we go to her house for another round of kicking there ass in game night, but this time was different he was acting different, he was not paying a lot of attention to me. He was carrying all conversation with her. When we walked into her house she said “oh wow someone smells good” she comes up to me and sniffs my neck “nope it’s not you” then when up to the Colombian and sniffs his neck. “I think it’s you” sniffing him one extra time. I let it go, I didn’t say anything.  When we went to their house again and she repeated that all over again like it was déjà vu then I started seeing a bit more there. I would question him. He would say that he feels nothing for her he is not attracted to her in that way.

It was Halloween weekend we decided to go to a haunted house at the sea aquarium I drove. I was trying to have fun, but I was not. We entered into one haunted house which was called buried alive at first it seemed like a dumb haunted house but at the end of it you walk into this dark black hole where you think you can’t really go in but really you can, I freaked out I had people behind me and people in front of me, I was having a panic attack, you have this big cloth surrounding you and there is no room to breathe or move or anything and all you want to do is get the fuck out, I pushed everyone in front of me as hard as possible terrified thinking I cannot and will not be able to get out. I started hyperventilating and finally we were out of the big black hole, I started crying thinking so many things in my mind. The loss of control is what a panic attack is. Once the fresh air hit my face I started calming down a bit. Where was my boyfriend when I needed him? He was not paying attention at all. But my friend was asking me if I was ok. I got better. We decide to leave there and go to the beach, we walked into fat Tuesday’s and got a drink from there, and we had crossed the street and walked on to the beach to sit by the water. As we were walking towards the water I noticed her husband was walking by himself in front of me and I was not far behind him, and the two love birds were in the back talking. Now I had no proof no nothing to go and tell them what they were doing to me, all I had was that gut instinct at the time and you cannot throw a gut instinct in as proof. That would not hold up in court. “Yes your honor, well my proof is my gut instinct”. But I knew this was the coming to an end of both friendship and relationship.

A few weeks passed after that. I had gotten a call from one of my brothers at work saying my mom was in the hospital. I left work immediately and when straight to the hospital. I had text the Colombian telling him what was going on he had called me when I was there but I had to hang up with him quickly and he got upset with me. When I left the hospital I had gone straight to his house. He was not very happy to see me because of the fact that I had to hang up on him so fast. Which to me was ridiculous reason to start an argument, but I know that he was arguing with me for a different reason. We decided to watch a movie I had gotten up to use the restroom and I came back and the movie was off. He said to me that “he can’t do this”, I had asked him what he meant by that the movie I questioned. Finally that is when he told me he can’t be with me anymore. That is when I knew the reason why. I questioned him “WHO IS IT”
He said no one. I said to him you like someone, I started naming names. One name I never mentioned was hers. An all I had to say was “ITS HER ISNT IT”. He said yes…..
They slowly started a relationship after that, it lasted about 6 months. He would call me and try to come back to me from time to time which sometimes I would see him. That was a douche bag in sheep’s clothing.
So as I mentioned there are many types o douche bags some you can tell by outward appearance or by the way they speak or by the things they do.



Douche bag move….
What is a douche bag move?

*A girl or a guy that tries to take your Boyfriend or Girlfriend away from you.

*That is when a guy/girl tell you they don’t have a partner but really they do and they try to pursue something with you.

*Wearing sunglasses at night, Or inside a building.

*wearing ugg boots with shorts on or a mini skirt…. We live in Miami people… we do not live in ALASKA!!!!!!!!!

*When you spike up your hair or use an immense amount of product in your hair so if you go through a tornado it will still be in place… it is gross…

*Popped collar

*Too much jewelry on

*Wearing anything overly be-dazzled like end hardy shirt or sparkly belts or anything on your ass that says sweet or delicious…All I think is TACKY!!!!!!!!!!

*Texting when you are having a conversation with someone. That is just plain rude!!!!!!(You are not the president that you are that busy that you need to be on your phone 24/7

*Flirting in front of your girlfriend or boyfriend....

*Being late

*Forgetting your wallet on a date and making the girl pay...

                                         Nelly Furtado - Man Eater.....

I came up with a term with a friend of mine that I ran into starbucks today. I was asking him about what he thought of when he heard the word douche bag? He described to me a lot of what I had written up above. Then I said what about the females that dress so revealing that you think there cookie will pop out if they slightly bend over. He told me that was just a skank, I asked him if a skank would be considered a douche he said no, but there is a skank that can be a douche. Which I decided to name her a skank a douche.
Skank a douche: is a female who dresses so provocative to the point that I sometimes wonder why didn’t you just walk out of your house naked instead, it is much easier. She is the one that expects the men to pay for her drinks she will not go with a wallet to a club just because she knows that she can get a man to buy her drinks. There are so many other things that she will do just for free stuff, like fake a whole entire relationship with someone just to get things from that person.
What I have learned about the douche bag and the skank a douche aka man eater, would be that these people have been hurt in the past by someone they loved it could have been a partner it could been a family member, but they are hiding behind these glittery ed hardy, juicy couture  wearing sparkle on my ass stuff. They are not happy with themselves they are hiding from these insecurities. If you ever come across someone that says they are not insecure, I would like for you to scream out BULL SHIT!!!!!!!!!! Everyone is insecure I may be insecure about my big toe when the next person may be insecure about their small ass. Everyone has it, but some realize that they are happy with their small ass, but they might have long beautiful hair. And I may hate my big toe but I love my big beautiful eyes. Be happy with what you have because that is what makes us different. It is not by the things that you have or wear. Because at the end of the day if we remove all the tons of glitter and shit that you have on we are all the same.

Christine, 28
Public relations

Douche Bag....It’s hard because ALOT of men in Miami are douche bags...but allot of the times its the women that make them that way. If women had more respect for themselves and set the standards for how women should be treated, douchbaggery would lessen a bit. But like everything you will ALWAYS have douche bags that you can’t change or fix!

Female
Again I think it goes back to self respect. If a woman doesn’t respect herself she is not going to get the right treatment from men. She will use herself to get money and money can’t buy happiness or love. In time they will see it



Please adopt a douche today, and change their lives in some way… :)  


I don’t want you to leave here reading this and thinking all Miami men are douche bags….No
I personally know many that are not and I probably have not met the others. I may not have dated them but they are in my life and I know they are not douche bags. I want to thank the men that are in my life or came into my life that made me see that there are decent men out there.

Ciro, Tony, Pat, Steve, Eugenio, Nicolas, Andres, Luis, Jaime, David, Ernesto, Connor, Matthew, Jonathan, Josue, Nick, JP, John, Javi, Eddie. And so many more that we can’t think of their names.