The past few months I have been through what will now be an
eye opening experience. I have finally discovered of why everything has
happened to me when it comes to dating. So to make you understand I have to
start from the beginning of about a month ago. I had signed up for online
dating once again. I really felt like I was ready, I was stronger than I have
ever been, and a lot more understanding of what I wanted and needed in a
partner. I embarked on my online dating journey and started the right foot,
well that is what it felt like. Come to find out, I needed to learn a final
lesson before I could continue my journey in life, in finding myself and
happiness, and as well finding a partner. I have frequently reminded you
readers that I have been single for the past 5 years. I would write about my
experiences, especially when it went wrong. The first guy that I met was Tony
and I had a good connection from the instant that I sent him the message. The
first night we spoke for 6 hours on the phone, with several bathrooms breaks
(weak bladder), I instantly started to like Tony, and he was mentally
stimulating, and made me laugh. On top of that I found him attractive. So eventually
Tony and I had met after I believe to be a week of speaking to one another,
brief texts and very brief phone call. It
was a casual encounter, meaning it wasn’t like a date; it was more like a
friend visiting. Tony and I for two days hung out with one another, and it
turned out to be a very fun time, it was at the end when I felt like things had
changed and then he was strange with me. So I quickly started to panic. You
probably are wondering why I would panic?
Now the five years I have had very brief dates meaning they didn’t
last very long. Maybe the guy didn’t like me, or maybe something about him made
me not like him. Or you can have the problem, is that you can meet someone and
like them, and then find out they don’t feel the same. Of course those are the
hard ones to deal with, the ones that you like but find out they don’t and you
get crushed. One little itsy bitsy relationship (it lasted about a month, for
me that wasn’t a relationship) happened last year, and let me just say that was
a bad one. How people can change on you flip the switch per say, they show you
all this amazing side of them, and want to be with you all the time, and then
for whatever reason get bored of you, and move on to someone else, while they
slowly start to distant themselves from you. So when you have had bad
experience and bad experience after the other, then you will be traumatized. You
will now have all this data basically on men, especially when you keep meeting
the same kind of man. It seems to be that a lot of men are afraid of women like
me; I am a woman that will challenge you, a woman that will question a lot, a
woman that is extremely multi facetted, but someone that is so in tune with her
emotions that she will tell you everything she feels. I understand not everyone
can communicate what they feel like I do, not everyone can empathize and relate
to your emotions, and not everyone is as intuitive as I am. That stuff scares a
lot of men, and Tony was one of those men that just couldn’t hack it. He runs
away from anything, and will give up quickly just to not to deal with anything
that might have a little difficulty. But that just shows you the type of person
that he is. Would you want to be in battle with that kind of person? Nope.
After Tony I met my soul mate, now I know what you are thinking. A lot of
people confuse soul mate for that one person in your life that you marry. But
with the research I have done, I found out that a soul mate is not a person
that you fall in love with and he is perfect for you. A soul mate can be anyone;
it can be your mother, father, sister or brother, a friend, a guy or a girl. You
can have more than one soul mate. You can have 10, I’ve realized that this year
I have several soul mates in my life, those friends that you just know that are
always there for you and you can count on for anything. Well I have those. But I
am going to only speak of the soul mates that have come into my life the past
few years, and why they are in my life. My male soul mates. I have 3, my first
soul mate is the first male friend that I have ever had, I can go to him at any
time and ask for advice, and he will give me the straight answer, in his own
rough way that I can only understand because I get him. His name is Joe, and Joe
has been my friend since I have been 18, and one thing about Joe, I don’t have
to see him all the time, but when we do get
together, it always feels like it was just the other day I saw him. Then
after Joe, a few years ago, the universe introduced me to Albert, Albert has
opened my eyes to so much, in life. We spend a lot of time together when he is
here visiting, and I have recently told him that I feel like he is my own
personal guru. He always makes me see such a different side of the situation
whenever I’m seeing it another way. Now last but not least my sensitive soul
brother, that gets me and accepts all of me and like I say to him, you get all
my crazy. Cesar has been in my life for about a year now, and Cesar was one of
those men that I had liked and got super disappointed when he didn’t like me,
after constant discussions, and back and forth, and trying to understand me and
I him. We have finally truly both grown and become much stronger people, that
our friendship is so much stronger than ever. I love these 3 men so much, the
thing that they all have in common would be me and understanding me and
accepting me for me. They have been showing me this whole time that there are
men out there, who are not assholes, who are genuinely honest and down to earth
and appreciate everything that I offer as a friend.
The One good thing that Tony gave me was the little tip, was
to watch the secret. I’ve never seen it before, when I finally saw it a week
after Tony disappeared, I had an aha moment (like Oprah calls it). I discovered
a different way of thinking, which it made me feel positive about things, now I’m
not going to say that I have been 100% positive. But I did feel like after
that, the universe sent me a gift, to show me that I am not done learning my
lesson. The universe sent me Robert; I met him online as well. Now with Robert,
he was much more attentive, so positive and sweet, and I liked him. When we met
it was like we were old friends, I was starting to feel a little pattern going
on, and how comfortable I had felt with Tony and then the comfort level was
much stronger with Robert. Robert and I had finally met and I started liking
him quick, he was giving me everything that I had asked for in a man. He was
kind, respectful, caring, and attentive. But there was a problem, Robert didn’t
feel the same attraction towards me, I was hurt, hurt and saddened because I really
thought maybe this was going to be something more. But I discovered it was just
that, it was something more! he was that last piece of my lesson. Robert from
the beginning was very receptive to my openness and my impulsive behavior. When
I was upset and sad by the fact he didn’t feel the same, I would let him know
how upset or just express emotions that I was feeling. I would tell him things
thinking he would respond to me, like all the other guys would. “OH YOU ARE
FUCKING CRAZY! OR I CANT HANDLE THIS, YOU ARE TOO SENSITIVE”, or whatever they
say. I expected him to be an asshole. Each time I reacted or had diarrhea of
the mouth and just say whatever I felt at that moment, he would always respond
with a kind and positive response.
You see my problem is, I’m so blinded by the past that I have
encountered with men, that I can’t see those good guys, I can’t give them the
benefit of the doubt , I automatically go to negative mode.
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