As I sit in the bath tub, I feel like a scene in the movie.
Like this part of being in the bath tub is a moment of clarity and cleansing. I
lay there reflecting on my life and how I have gotten to this point and I ask
myself would I change anything at all?
The answer is no, not at all.
This year it will be ten years, a ten year anniversary of
being a mother and five years of being single. Both anniversaries have had its
ups and downs. Both are paths of discovery, discovery of the kind of woman you
can become, or want to become. I know that my happiness is important. It is
important for me but as well for my son.
For those who have read my blog, you should know it first
started a way of therapy after having a very bad break up. Then the blog would
discuss all my dating adventures in the tiny little bubble that we live in
called Miami. I have always tried to inspire, or make people laugh with my
blogs.
If I could describe myself in a few words, I would say
unique, different, rebel, crazy. My favorite word would be crazy; I have been
called that many times by many, especially men. Guess what? I have turned that
negative word to something positive for me in my life. A lot of people tell me
that I am a person that reveals too much of myself, people are shocked and
baffled by the things that I write, but have you ever questioned yourself? If
there weren’t people like me then there wouldn’t be self help books, novelist,
and artist and so much more, people who choose to share their life experiences with
the world. I have always said to myself that if I can touch one person, or make
them feel like they are not the only ones out there going through a difficult
time in life then I have done my job, then I had made a slight difference in
the world.
My journey for love has not been the easiest; I have
struggled with insecurities, what the men thought of me, and seeker of
validation. Throughout this whole process I have discovered myself and have
come to realize who I truly am. I briefly went back online doing the whole online
dating again that was short lived. I went on about four dates and decided to
give up. Not give up on love; it was more of an eye opening experience for me,
it was a realization of sorts. I realized that I need to fall in love with me; and
keep discovering me, I am accepting more and more each day that if I don’t find
that person I will be ok!
Do you know that every date that I have been on, every
single guy that I have met I knew instantly that it will not go any
further? Call it a gut instinct or call
it what you want, but every single man that I have met; I look at and think ok
this guy belongs with this kind of girl. I don’t have a type of man that I
expect to be with. I just know that guy and I, we are not supposed to be with
one another. It’s almost kind of matching an outfit together, but knowing that
my cute sequence top will not go with that plaid skirt. Again I am not saying
that you have to, match perfectly, opposites do attract. I just have a sixth
sense for these types of things. There are many people that I meet and when I
look at them, I see a match that is perfect, sometimes we choose the wrong
outfit and we keep wearing it over and over thinking it is complimenting our
ass our bust line but then we realize it is just bringing out the negative
qualities out or making us look like a skank . We want to find some outfit that
will accentuate our good features. The only way we can find the right outfit is
by really figuring out first what you want to wear because if you choose the
wrong shoe the whole outfit will be all wrong.
I know that it’s a silly analogy comparing your partner to a
pair of shoes or a skirt but in some way you can kind of relate. Of course it doesn’t
always apply.
I have always been the type of girl to give every guy a chance,(ok,
well not every guy, there does have to be a connection of sorts) you truly
never know who you will meet and if they are the one for you. Just because he
may not fit your perfect little list of standards or looks doesn’t mean he is a
bad guy. I had gone out with a guy a few months back, he wasn’t I guess someone
that I would initially be all over. Something about him the way he was the way
he treated me, made me see the beauty in him. The problem why that never worked
out was due to immaturity, insecurities and let’s face it, if people are not
truly honest with themselves and he wasn’t. He was most definitely not honest
with himself, so that right there is a recipe for disaster, what makes you
think he will remotely be honest with you. That ended up not on a good note, he
continued to lie to me and I truly was tired from it all. I had given him too
many opportunities to just be honest, but he continued to do the same. So after
random text, here and there, on both parties, and he had called me crazy
several times, I eventually blocked his number and just told him to leave me
alone.
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