Failure

Miami, Florida 

Listening to: Paramore

Song: Last Hope 

Have you ever felt like you are a failure?

I think this is only human nature to feel like that in life. It’s what you do with that feeling, do you sulk in it? Do you let it stay there in your mind and start believing your own inner dialogue with yourself? Most of the negative inner dialogue that you have with yourself, the words, and the things that you feel is to be true about your self is actually not. Most of those thoughts are from your past or from what people have told you on and on again, because at the end of the day that is there perception of you.

Even our own families, the people who know you the most, will be the number one group of people that will put you down. Why? Well for many reasons, but again every family is different. Let’s just say big or small the family that you have, there are many different personalities that may not agree with you or like things that you do. Yes they love you, and only want the best for you. Always remember that this is your journey, not there’s so whatever it is that you want to do in life whether it is to go to school, or not go to school, don’t let the negative reactions from others affect your life and plan, because what happens when all is said and done. Your family is gone, friends have moved on. What do you have left? Yourself, this is your life, your journey, don’t let others opinion on your life dictates what you should or should not do.

I can honestly say that yes I have failed at many things that I have tried to accomplish, because it was too hard, or I didn’t like it anymore.  I sulked at all the failures that I have racked up in my life, but now as an adult I can easily talk about my experiences of the many failures and have learned from it, now having had that happen, the choices that I have made and letting others around me influence my ability on thinking I’m not good enough, that maybe this isn’t for me because people are telling me that maybe I should do something that might take less time, or easier.

Why is it that when you have something that you really feel passionate about and you think you would be great at it, and then when you announce out loud, and say hey guess what I’m going to study psychology or be a nurse or whatever the case may be, most of the time the response in return is a negative comment, like are you sure that is what you want to do? Maybe you should think about that a little bit more, because that is many years of school. Instead of what you want to hear, or expect a common response to be is Oh My Goodness that is amazing, congratulations, you get negative. Of course when you finally get the congratulations it doesn’t really feel great because now your mind is just brewing with all the negative comments that people have told you and you are now second guessing yourself.

You have to have a strong sense of self; it’s not easy when all you have heard in your life is purely negative. You feel like you can never be good enough for anyone, you can never be the right kind of person that they want you to be.  You need to find that support in your life, people that will push you and validate you and make you see that you are going to finish what you have started out, and they will congratulate you when all is done, these are the same people that will not judge you if you choose not to continue whatever path you have chosen for yourself, that is a true support system. I can honestly tell you that I have that in life, some family and some friends. One friend in particular whom I say I’ve watched grow literally since I was a child. She had set her mind to becoming a doctor from probably the age of 15, she is now 32, and is doing her residency. She has overcome so much, all the negativity that people have probably told her, having to leave her family for months on end to travel for school. Now one thing I can say is that yes I admire someone that says they will do something and they actually finish it. I admire her a little bit extra because she had a child at a young age, worked and went to school. Why was she able to do this, well because she had her support system, she would confide with me that she felt depressed at times; felt alone that this was her life. she would tell me that she had no life, she was studying and going to school, she didn’t have her family around her, she had to sacrifice so much, when she would feel low she would dig deep down inside and push herself to keep on going, it is so easy to give up and not finish, but it is so much sweeter once you have accomplished what you set yourself out to do. Eventually you will be able to say, yes I am a Doctor, or yes I am a nurse, or whatever it is that you want in life. You just have to dig very deep inside your heart to find that again, erase those negative thoughts, move on from your past, don’t hold on to what people think you are, that is just them holding on to the past as well and not being able to see the you that you are now. If you want them to change their mind about you, then you got to show them that there is change.  So don’t let the fear of failure even creep into your mind, keep looking forward, to the prize at the end. Don’t look back anymore.

Love always

Catalina