Miami, Florida
Listening to: AMY WINEHOUSE
Have you ever met someone and just had a weird feeling about
them but you just couldn’t pin point at the time what it was? Or have you ever
done something but new deep down inside something is telling you it was so
wrong? That is your intuition that gut instinct where you just feel something
in the pit of your stomach that this is no good for you, or something bad might
happen, or maybe even that this person is nice, kind, and caring, you can trust
them.
I don’t know if it is with age that you end up discovering
your intuition, or is it just being more aware of your body and what it is
telling you at the time.
I have always been very different, an emotional person, very
in tune with the way that I feel, especially very expressive. I believe in my
last relationship is when I really truly discovered my intuition.
For those of you who don’t know
what I am talking about, read the definition that Google has provided me with.
in·tu·i·tionˌint(y)o͞oˈiSHən/
noun
1.
the ability to
understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning.
"we shall allow
our intuition to guide us"
synonyms:
|
instinct, intuitiveness; More
|
o a thing that one knows or considers likely
from instinctive feeling rather than conscious reasoning.
plural noun: intuitions
"your insights
and intuitions as a native speaker are positively sought"
synonyms:
|
I have been in recent situations lately in my life, where I
have not followed my intuition, because maybe something else is blinding you
and you may ignore that feeling. About two months ago I had met a man that I
felt at first was just someone I was getting to know, and basically see where
that would go. We had finally met in person, and when we met, I felt nothing
but positive feelings; nothing was telling me this person is bad, like all the
other times that I have met people.
I believe I might have mentioned him in one of my recent
blogs in the past, he was the one that was not interested in me in that way, we
did become friends; our friendship later on grew into a bit more. The problem
was I eventually started having more feelings towards him; I was honest with
him and expressed the way that I had felt towards him. He did not reciprocate
the same feeling. It hurt, of course, and like most people who sometimes find themselves
to be lonely they tend to stick to something that is not what they truly want,
but they settle for what they are getting at that moment. That is what I did, I
settled, I thought I can control this, I can control my feelings for him, I’ll
talk to other people, I distracted myself, it worked for the most part, but
then when I felt rejected by him which I felt that it was often when I would
get rejected, I would unravel, this is when the crazy comes out.
I questioned him often, because even though his mouth was
saying one thing, his actions were saying something different at least that is
how I interpreted it. Once I had mentioned to him, that he is the one that
contacts me and it was almost every day, and that I wondered that if he was
beginning to feel things for me. He just gave me his excuse of why he was
texting me. Once I said that he had started texting less. I felt like the
reason why he wasn’t interested in me didn’t make sense, yes I know you guys
probably think I can’t take rejection well, but I don’t think that is what it
was, for me I felt like it wasn’t real. He gave me many reasons why he wouldn’t
date someone like me. He has done it in
the past, dated a heavy girl and he lost his attraction towards her. I could
tell him my reason why he lost interest in her. I have my belief my instinct of
the more emotional reason why it ended. Then I had brought up a more logical
situation for him, what if you find that girl and she gets pregnant gains all
this weight, than what? Will you dump her because she is fat?
To me I believe all of this issue is more, it is a deep
rooted issue, let’s just say he has not really discovered yet. Maybe he never
will, but I do believe in my hearts of hearts the whole issue is more about
insecurities about him. Look I can relate in so many ways when it comes to
insecurities, I have dealt with it my whole life, it is like that saying goes
you can’t bullshit a bullshitter. I
personally believe if you have some attraction towards a person, and you have
gotten to know more of them, and liked them for who they are inside then you
would probably be more attracted to them later on as well. I am not an ugly
woman, I am beautiful, smart, funny, extremely caring, and supportive, the
problem for many men is my weight, granted yes men are very visual human
beings, but I’m sorry if you can be intimate with a person that you say that
you have no attraction towards them then how can you even perform? Why do you
keep going back for 2 months of a “friendship” I truly think and feel in my gut
that there was more to it, but he didn’t want that, not with me, because he
probably felt that people would probably judge him for being with someone like me!
I believe men have an idea of what kind of woman they would
want in their life, I know not all of them expect the girl to be 100% perfect,
but that is bad to have that, that is having crazy ass expectations for
something that might not even exist. I know this very well because I had to
deal with this same situation with my ex boyfriend, who has agreed that I am
extremely intuitive.
He as well very insecure man, same thing he had this idea of
what kind of woman he wanted in his life, I of course didn’t fit in that
picture, the problem of never being satisfied in something, says a lot about a
person, says a lot about them as well.
I finally had to end something with someone that I truly
cared for; people always asked me, what is it that you liked about him, what is
it that he brought to the table? Honestly! The communication that we had with
one another was amazing, we never argued we would have more discussions, we
could talk about anything, and we had a lot of things in common, we were always
there for one another when one or the other was in distress, the fact that we
could make each other laugh, that is what made me find that beauty in him, I knew
he wasn’t perfect he was far from perfect, there were many things that I didn’t
like about him, I disliked the fact that he would think too far in the future,
especially with something that you can’t really plan. I get it if it is
something like school, and future goals that you want to accomplish, but when
it comes to the matters of the heart you can’t truly plan things like that,
because really, you don’t know who you will eventually fall in love with, it
could be a person you never expected to be with in your life. In a way it is
almost creating a fantasy world in your mind. Yes you can have a list of
characteristic of what you look for in a person, someone that is funny, smart,
independent, and respectful; those are things that are more of a realistic
nature to have in your mind.
Let’s just say I have learned a lot from this situation, my
intuition even though I may feel this and maybe I will never know if I was
right about it, I stick with it. Never settle for something that is not
fulfilling all of you. That just speaks volumes about how you feel about
yourself.
Thank you for reading.
Catalina
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