When it came to the umpteenth time of online dating, I felt
like I was a master or some type of pro to tell when someone is bullshitting
me. The problem to catch a bullshitter it can be somewhat easy of sorts. But
when the bullshitter believes their own bullshit then that is when it’s much
harder to tell. Even though the four dates I had been on was just that four
dates with four different guys, I honestly took something out of each of them.
They all were kind in their own way, respectful in some sorts, some more than
others. At the end of it all, the 3 out of the 4 were brutally honest with me.
I greatly appreciated it. Even though getting rejected time and time again was
a blow to the ego. You realize it is not because you see a future with them, you are sad because you wanted someone to
like you for once, someone to pursue you, someone to show you that you are
amazing. That is the problem these days; we seek validation from so many in our
lives which is total human nature to do so. You have to learn to be able to
validate yourself. I felt like I got
duped mainly by the one that we shall call the vampire. I call him the vampire
because his line of work deals with blood that will be enough said. I had a
really good time with him, we hit it off, everything felt like it was going
great and then you get that dreaded text, oh yes text!! Not a phone call. It’s
not you, it’s me text. I am not ready for a relationship type of answer. I laugh
at it, because not 24 hours earlier, you were singing a different tune. Fine, great thanks for being honest, I guess.
The one thing that I hate the most is from anyone, not just a man, but any
human being is the fact that you kind of give these false promises, you say you
will continue being friends. HAHAHA all of a sudden you are FUCKING President
Obama, your schedule is so jammed packed with work and conferences and all this
bull shit lies. Come on stop lying, to me and stop lying to yourself. I respect
that so much more when you tell me the truth.
Vampire out….
Then there was the florist, the florist reminded me way too
much of my last boyfriend, the one who cheated on me with my friend. I was
attracted to him, which I felt from his vibe that he wasn’t really attracted to
me, or he found parts of me attractive. We had good flowing conversation and
enjoyed each other’s company, but you can tell he was tired and wanted to go
home. I would have kept walking around.
He reminded me way to much of my ex, especially when it came to anything
that had to do with PDA. That had to be in private, I felt like I was with my
ex all over again, who was ashamed of kissing me in public. We did kiss in his
car, and it was nice, but I knew it wasn’t going to go anywhere else. A few
days later, I got the dreaded text; hey I’m not fully attracted to you. Again
WHAT THE FUCK IS IT WITH TEXT? Why can’t you grow some balls and tell me over
the phone at least. Whatever, people
will just say he didn’t have to say anything he could of just disappeared.
Florist out….
Then last but not least was the fisherman, very attractive,
very respectful, sweet, and to top it off, we made each other feel very
comfortable and laugh like crazy. He was one of the ones that I truly enjoyed
getting to know. What I really liked the most about him is how empathetic he
tried to be. He always tried to relate to some tough struggle you might have
gone through. It is truly fascinating how you can have this amazing connection
over the phone, but everything can change so quickly once you meet in person.
When I saw him on our date, I was happy; he was attractive in person, a little
quiet at first, Again still sweet. I knew immediately when he saw me, he was
not interested. I’ve seen faces light up when a pretty girl walks into a room,
his did not light up. One thing that I always do on my dates, is to always have
a good time, and take advantage to truly get to know this person and have fun
make them laugh and who knows. Worst
case scenario is either you will never see him again or you become friends.
Long story short I had a great time, I laughed so much and it truly felt like I
was with an old friend. Next day I had to ask. So I did, he responded to my
question and basically told me that he saw me like a friend. I wasn’t mad, I
understood. I feel like with the fisherman, when he was honest with me, I
really did believe him, I believed he was genuine. As it goes for a friendship,
I don’t feel like we will be BFFS, I do feel like he will keep in contact with
me.
Fisherman out….
So as it goes, I dipped my toes back into to the dating
pool, it didn’t last as long this time around, only because I’ve discovered my
true priorities and what is important in my life. It all goes back to ME!!! I
know that none of these men worked out because it was not my time, I’m growing
more and more each day to understand and to accept these things. Again this is
not me forgetting about men in general or thinking that I will never date
again, No! This is me just saying that it will happen. When? I don’t know, and
that is ok. I have all the time in the world and I know that when that time
comes, that person will be the one to accept all of me and my crazy bullshit.
Thanks Again for reading
Catalina
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