The Vegetarian & the FAT Girl... Part 2

So yes when I hear or see things like that, of course I will defend my side, even though I am not that big anymore, I will always defend, especially if you have never been overweight. I can only speak for myself when it comes to my weight. For me it started when young, it was an emotional eating behavior that I had started to do as a child more so as a coping mechanism and gradually got worse as I got older. Now in my thirties, I feel like I have gotten more of a control over my eating habits. Especially after going to therapy and even reading a book that my therapist had recommended to me. The book is called when food is love, very good book and I highly recommend it, the author made sure to not make it like a self help book, but more so about her life and the stories that she had been through.  

So back to the vegetarian, when I read her post I at first thought twice to even say anything. Then I realized that it doesn't have to be an argument (my thoughts in my mind: “just write something respectful and get your point across, who knows she might actually understand or want to listen, just do it what is the worse that could happen”) so I did, I wrote to her and basically said that she shouldn’t assume that just because people are overweight doesn’t mean that they are fat slobs that are lazy and don’t care. No!!!!! Some people are overweight due to medical issues, and others are because of psychological, stress, depression, eating disorder, and maybe they choose to just be overweight because they love food too much. You can’t judge a book by its cover, you can’t assume so quick. Of course it is only natural as a human being to do so, to assume. She had responded back, a very long message going off on tangent saying that she is helping these people by telling them to put down the bacon, then she goes off on being a vegetarian and why she is a vegetarian and how the animals are brutally murdered and how they lay in a cage with all their shit and piss, and then we ingest all of that. She goes off even more talking about how she knows about depression and that she takes anti depressants and so she knows what people go through, and that those people should just go get help.

It is easier said than done, the best way to describe the want or the need to lose weight or to stop a very bad habit, it is almost like a click in your head, an epiphany, or like Oprah says an aha moment. That is when you have it in your mind to change. I had responded back to her basically saying that she pretty much went off topic, I was never speaking badly about vegetarians, I have friends who are vegetarians, that is their choice, if that is what you want to do then great I applaud you for doing that.  What I care about is when someone like this vegetarian criticizes and demoralizes those who have probably heard it day in and day out that they are fat.  Just because you are someone who is of average size,  who is accepted by the overall population as “beautiful”, “normal” or “skinny”, Doesn't mean that you are now the dietitian for all fucking fat people in this world. You can’t even begin to understand and truthfully hopefully you will never understand what it is to be and or even feel that way. Speak of what you know, not of what you think you know. 

So to the vegetarian, I truly hope that your ignorance will change into knowledge and awareness, you don’t motivate people by being hurtful or mean, you motivate by praising them,  Again only to the ones who ask for your motivation. You have no right to go to a random person and tell them they are fat and they will be healthier if they stopped eating all the shit they eat. We are aware of the consequences; the problem is we have to realize when to start making conscious choices in our lives.   As to a response to your last reply, just because you are a vegetarian for what 3.5 seconds doesn't make you all high and mighty of nutrition my dear. Go on continue with your little trendy thing to do, because I don’t really believe you are a true vegetarian, but that is neither here or there. Yes I will be having a beautiful fat fucking 2015, happy new year.

So for all of you whom have read this blog I truly hope you realize that being cruel and insulting to anyone who is different and whom don’t live up to society standards  doesn't mean that they are horrible disgusting people.

Thank you for reading.

Catalina 

The Vegetarian & the "FAT" Girl... Part 1

I had a conversation with a friend of mine as we walked in the park today. We do what all friends do; catch up when we haven’t seen each other in a while. Telling her about my latest dates and the things that are going on. When I get with this one particular friend we don’t really gossip per say, we talk more about life, our goals and what we want and expect out of life. We have meaningful conversations and deep ones too. She had mentioned that she read my latest blog post. Which is funny because I always feel like no one reads it. She inspired me with her words, just like she said that I have inspired her. She had mentioned that I speak my mind and that is the best part, is that I don’t hold back and I say what people think, but most people are afraid to say what they think.

I have always gotten in life that I am too open, that I need to not say or reveal too much. I ask myself why? If I am not ashamed or worried about being judged than why should I hold back with my thoughts or experiences. I truly don’t care if what I say makes people uncomfortable, I say what I say which I feel has true meaning behind it all.

If I tell you a story about a date that I have been on, or my weight issue, or even about family. Maybe just maybe it might have an effect on someone’s life; it could possibly make a difference in someone’s life. You might be able to relate because you are most possibly going through the same thing. Plus I reveal what I want to reveal, I know that people can use it against me, which has been done before, or I could possibly be judged for the things that I say. I will not apologize or with hold any information. Judge me all you want, criticize me, look down upon me, think what you want to think about me, but just so you know I truly don’t give a fuck.

I was put on this earth to touch people’s lives somehow. I feel that I need to make a difference.

Recently I had gotten in a very heated discussion through social media with a girl that I have met once. We will call her the “vegetarian”. Let me describe this girl to you, gorgeous girl, beautiful face, amazing body, you would think by looking at her that she has got it all. Let me tell you slight back story, I had met her at a mutual friends party for the fourth of July this past year, when I met her I thought she seemed nice, but when she started speaking, that’s when I realized that there was so much more inside. You can say I psychoanalyzed her quick. Let’s just say from one woman who has had her fair share of moments of insecurities you tend to easily spot the ones that are like you.

Now the reason why I got into an argument with her was over a post that she had put up on instagram. She had taken a picture of a plate of food, which on the plate was some veggies and I believe what appeared to be quinoa. Underneath her picture she had commented saying something along the lines of it is great being a vegetarian, then goes off to talk about all the overweight people around her and basically implying that they are disgusting and can’t even walk carrying their plate of food because there is so much food on their plate. Let me say one thing, I usually am not the one to comment on many things when it comes to social media, but when I do it is because it is something that I feel like I need to stand up and say no! You are wrong, how about looking at it this way. Plus like I’ve said before in other blogs, I have gone through the trials and tribulation of being overweight and losing weight. I have had those moments when people are staring at you when you are so big, or not being able to fit in an airplane seat, or roller coaster ride. 

The Vampire, The Florist & The Fisherman.... Realization Part 2

When it came to the umpteenth time of online dating, I felt like I was a master or some type of pro to tell when someone is bullshitting me. The problem to catch a bullshitter it can be somewhat easy of sorts. But when the bullshitter believes their own bullshit then that is when it’s much harder to tell. Even though the four dates I had been on was just that four dates with four different guys, I honestly took something out of each of them. They all were kind in their own way, respectful in some sorts, some more than others. At the end of it all, the 3 out of the 4 were brutally honest with me. I greatly appreciated it. Even though getting rejected time and time again was a blow to the ego. You realize it is not because you see a future with them,  you are sad because you wanted someone to like you for once, someone to pursue you, someone to show you that you are amazing. That is the problem these days; we seek validation from so many in our lives which is total human nature to do so. You have to learn to be able to validate yourself.  I felt like I got duped mainly by the one that we shall call the vampire. I call him the vampire because his line of work deals with blood that will be enough said. I had a really good time with him, we hit it off, everything felt like it was going great and then you get that dreaded text, oh yes text!! Not a phone call. It’s not you, it’s me text. I am not ready for a relationship type of answer. I laugh at it, because not 24 hours earlier, you were singing a different tune.  Fine, great thanks for being honest, I guess. The one thing that I hate the most is from anyone, not just a man, but any human being is the fact that you kind of give these false promises, you say you will continue being friends. HAHAHA all of a sudden you are FUCKING President Obama, your schedule is so jammed packed with work and conferences and all this bull shit lies. Come on stop lying, to me and stop lying to yourself. I respect that so much more when you tell me the truth.

Vampire out….

Then there was the florist, the florist reminded me way too much of my last boyfriend, the one who cheated on me with my friend. I was attracted to him, which I felt from his vibe that he wasn’t really attracted to me, or he found parts of me attractive. We had good flowing conversation and enjoyed each other’s company, but you can tell he was tired and wanted to go home. I would have kept walking around.  He reminded me way to much of my ex, especially when it came to anything that had to do with PDA. That had to be in private, I felt like I was with my ex all over again, who was ashamed of kissing me in public. We did kiss in his car, and it was nice, but I knew it wasn’t going to go anywhere else. A few days later, I got the dreaded text; hey I’m not fully attracted to you. Again WHAT THE FUCK IS IT WITH TEXT? Why can’t you grow some balls and tell me over the phone at least.  Whatever, people will just say he didn’t have to say anything he could of just disappeared.

Florist out….

Then last but not least was the fisherman, very attractive, very respectful, sweet, and to top it off, we made each other feel very comfortable and laugh like crazy. He was one of the ones that I truly enjoyed getting to know. What I really liked the most about him is how empathetic he tried to be. He always tried to relate to some tough struggle you might have gone through. It is truly fascinating how you can have this amazing connection over the phone, but everything can change so quickly once you meet in person. When I saw him on our date, I was happy; he was attractive in person, a little quiet at first, Again still sweet. I knew immediately when he saw me, he was not interested. I’ve seen faces light up when a pretty girl walks into a room, his did not light up. One thing that I always do on my dates, is to always have a good time, and take advantage to truly get to know this person and have fun make them laugh and  who knows. Worst case scenario is either you will never see him again or you become friends. Long story short I had a great time, I laughed so much and it truly felt like I was with an old friend. Next day I had to ask. So I did, he responded to my question and basically told me that he saw me like a friend. I wasn’t mad, I understood. I feel like with the fisherman, when he was honest with me, I really did believe him, I believed he was genuine. As it goes for a friendship, I don’t feel like we will be BFFS, I do feel like he will keep in contact with me.

Fisherman out….

So as it goes, I dipped my toes back into to the dating pool, it didn’t last as long this time around, only because I’ve discovered my true priorities and what is important in my life. It all goes back to ME!!! I know that none of these men worked out because it was not my time, I’m growing more and more each day to understand and to accept these things. Again this is not me forgetting about men in general or thinking that I will never date again, No! This is me just saying that it will happen. When? I don’t know, and that is ok. I have all the time in the world and I know that when that time comes, that person will be the one to accept all of me and my crazy bullshit.

Thanks Again for reading

Catalina 

Reflecting.....Giving it one more shot. Part 1

As I sit in the bath tub, I feel like a scene in the movie. Like this part of being in the bath tub is a moment of clarity and cleansing. I lay there reflecting on my life and how I have gotten to this point and I ask myself would I change anything at all?

The answer is no, not at all.

This year it will be ten years, a ten year anniversary of being a mother and five years of being single. Both anniversaries have had its ups and downs. Both are paths of discovery, discovery of the kind of woman you can become, or want to become. I know that my happiness is important. It is important for me but as well for my son.

For those who have read my blog, you should know it first started a way of therapy after having a very bad break up. Then the blog would discuss all my dating adventures in the tiny little bubble that we live in called Miami. I have always tried to inspire, or make people laugh with my blogs.

If I could describe myself in a few words, I would say unique, different, rebel, crazy. My favorite word would be crazy; I have been called that many times by many, especially men. Guess what? I have turned that negative word to something positive for me in my life. A lot of people tell me that I am a person that reveals too much of myself, people are shocked and baffled by the things that I write, but have you ever questioned yourself? If there weren’t people like me then there wouldn’t be self help books, novelist, and artist and so much more, people who choose to share their life experiences with the world. I have always said to myself that if I can touch one person, or make them feel like they are not the only ones out there going through a difficult time in life then I have done my job, then I had made a slight difference in the world.

My journey for love has not been the easiest; I have struggled with insecurities, what the men thought of me, and seeker of validation. Throughout this whole process I have discovered myself and have come to realize who I truly am. I briefly went back online doing the whole online dating again that was short lived. I went on about four dates and decided to give up. Not give up on love; it was more of an eye opening experience for me, it was a realization of sorts. I realized that I need to fall in love with me; and keep discovering me, I am accepting more and more each day that if I don’t find that person I will be ok!

Do you know that every date that I have been on, every single guy that I have met I knew instantly that it will not go any further?  Call it a gut instinct or call it what you want, but every single man that I have met; I look at and think ok this guy belongs with this kind of girl. I don’t have a type of man that I expect to be with. I just know that guy and I, we are not supposed to be with one another. It’s almost kind of matching an outfit together, but knowing that my cute sequence top will not go with that plaid skirt. Again I am not saying that you have to, match perfectly, opposites do attract. I just have a sixth sense for these types of things. There are many people that I meet and when I look at them, I see a match that is perfect, sometimes we choose the wrong outfit and we keep wearing it over and over thinking it is complimenting our ass our bust line but then we realize it is just bringing out the negative qualities out or making us look like a skank . We want to find some outfit that will accentuate our good features. The only way we can find the right outfit is by really figuring out first what you want to wear because if you choose the wrong shoe the whole outfit will be all wrong.

I know that it’s a silly analogy comparing your partner to a pair of shoes or a skirt but in some way you can kind of relate. Of course it doesn’t always apply.

I have always been the type of girl to give every guy a chance,(ok, well not every guy, there does have to be a connection of sorts) you truly never know who you will meet and if they are the one for you. Just because he may not fit your perfect little list of standards or looks doesn’t mean he is a bad guy. I had gone out with a guy a few months back, he wasn’t I guess someone that I would initially be all over. Something about him the way he was the way he treated me, made me see the beauty in him. The problem why that never worked out was due to immaturity, insecurities and let’s face it, if people are not truly honest with themselves and he wasn’t. He was most definitely not honest with himself, so that right there is a recipe for disaster, what makes you think he will remotely be honest with you. That ended up not on a good note, he continued to lie to me and I truly was tired from it all. I had given him too many opportunities to just be honest, but he continued to do the same. So after random text, here and there, on both parties, and he had called me crazy several times, I eventually blocked his number and just told him to leave me alone.