Charlie Cerrano

Miami, Florida

Listening: Mariah Carey 

People come into your life for a reason, I know I have said that many times before in past blogs, but it is so true. I recently read a quote that stuck with me and made me really think.

“You don’t attract what you want, you attract what you are”.

Someone recently came into my life; about a month ago I met a man. His name is Charlie, (not his real name). The similarities of our lives were rather weird. It was like he was the male version of me, just a bit older, and with these crystal blue eyes. Charlie was very funny, smart, caring, and a great listener.

There was a difference in Charlie; he has not been like all the other men that I have met in my life.

Charlie became someone that I cared for, confided with and he cared for me.

 I had decided this evening that I will not be speaking to Charlie for a while. He had unintentionally brought out a side of me that I personally did not like, he was never cruel to me if that is what you are thinking; on the contrary he was always there when I needed to talk. Problem was I had started to have feelings for him, that is where the complications started happening, Charlie didn’t see me that way, he didn’t like me in the romantic way, and that hurt me. I as a stubborn woman that I am, does not take no for an answer.

I had come to the realization that I was doing this again, the same thing that I did with the footballer that I had met last year. Difference was the footballer was cruel but he was intentionally cruel, Charlie on the other hand would listen and talk to me and try to make me feel better and would not get off the phone until I felt better.

Charlie was extremely open and honest with me he would share such personal stories with me, things that he hasn’t told anyone. I as well would share with him.

My relationship with Charlie got complicated and we were both responsible for causing that.

I would vent to lots of friends about this situation, that I had found myself in again. What I am learning so far, is to not speak of my issues with everyone, because all it does it fucks you up mentally and emotionally. I say this because of the fact that everyone has their own opinion, and really at the end of it they don’t know Charlie the way that I do. I would find myself to be defending this person to my friends, only because most of their views are negative of all men.  I have realized that from now on I will not be going to certain people with my problems. Especially when most of the times I just need to vent, friends are not suppose to hurt you, and tell you to prove things to them. Friends are not supposed to take light of something that I have obviously been struggling with for a while now, and they all know what my issues are. People think that tough love works on me, it doesn’t it only pushes me further away. I love when they tell me that they are just being honest, and they say the truth hurts but that is what friends are for to tell you the truth. One thing that I have to say about that, I know what my flaws are, I don’t need to have someone lecture or  tell me that I have these problems when I already know what my problems are.

I am well aware what I do with my life, the pain that I can cause myself  by putting myself in certain situations, but at the end of the day my friends should be there to support me in whatever decision I make in life. I am the one that will learn the ultimate lesson.  I have learned something, I learned that Charlie will be a forever friend, I only have one other forever friend, so Charlie if you are reading this, you better feel fucking special. (I know you are smiling right about now). 

I want to change the thoughts that I have of myself in my head, I have been dealing with these thought for a very long time.  The only way to fix them is to continue working on me. I can honestly say that I have changed so much , I have lost a tremendous amount of weight all by myself, I have moved out of my parents house and now have my own place with my son, I have a great job, I have my health and a happy little boy. I have grown leaps and bounds, and you know what I don’t need anyone to be proud of me, because guess what, I am proud of myself that I did this and I am continuing to do this. It does not take a night to overcome all your issues, as long as you continue working on them, realize them as well and just keep on moving.

So to my dear Charlie, my birdie, my frog bird, my dear sweet friend, we have a bond and a connection that no one can break, and even though we have only known each other just a short amount of time I feel like I’ve known you for much longer. I know this might sound repetitive to you, because I already told you this through text. Know that I am here no matter what. Even though we are taking this moment to ourselves, we will be back to being friends very soon. I don’t give up that easy, and I truly want to be the one to witness you become a Dr. I want to be there, so I can call you Dr. CerranoJ. Don’t let the negative bring you down. I know it is hard sometimes, but you have done so much with your life and you should truly be so proud of yourself for all your accomplishments.  

Thanks again.

Love Catalina (cookie)