Miami, Florida
Listening to: Will Smith
Dating…. Dating is hard enough in real life, especially if
you live in Miami, add a kid into the mix and it becomes just a little bit more
difficult.
Well I haven’t had so many issues so far when it comes to
dating and letting the guy know that I have a kid. I have had the famous
question that always gets asked, “Do you have baby daddy drama”? Of course I tell
them the truth, which truthfully I don’t.
The relationship that I have with my son’s father is one
that we both work at every day. We have to work together, communicate; we both
do this for our son.
I have come into contact with men, when they find out that you have a child, they usually run for the hills. Mainly because they think
that if you have a child already then they believe that you are immediately
ready to get married and settle down. Or the best one they automatically assume
that you are looking for a father for your child. I have gotten that one a lot.
Which Immediately I respond with, “my son has a father he doesn't need another one,
thanks”. I have had men that want to meet your kid quickly, which to be honest,
for me I tend to find that strange, call it being over protective but I don’t like
to involve my child with anyone that I am dating until I know that I am 100%
serious with them.
I think my son has met one boyfriend I ever dated after
breaking up with his dad. I was with the guy for a year and he literally met
him 3 times. I personally believe that I need to get to know the person well
enough before my son comes in contact with any man that I have feelings for.
I remember one time I was talking to a guy, and I had revealed
to him that I had a son. He was actually very nice about it and told me that
honestly he doesn't want to date anyone with kids because of the fact that he
did it once, and it was the worse feeling in the world when he had to break up
with the girl. First he loved the little girl like it was his daughter, and the
mother would throw that in his face when they had broken up, she would make him
feel guilty for breaking her heart. He said Catalina when you break up with a woman
without a kid it is hard, but when you break up with a woman that has a kid, not only you are
hurting the woman, but you are hurting the child as well, and it hurts you ten
times more than a regular break up. When he told me that, it made me see the
other side. Sometimes we get offended when a guy, just blatantly says to you,
nope sorry I don’t date chicks with kids. You feel rather offended, and that
has happened to me as well. But you do have to realize that there is a reason
behind it, just some guys say it in such a douche way that it makes you mad, and
then there are the ones that will explain to you why.
I had one guy tell me, that he likes me and all but he
really didn't want to date me because I had a kid. I got mad, and I threw in
his face and said you are fucking 40 years old. Unless you start dating a 12
year old it will be very difficult to find a woman that doesn't have a kid. I
laugh now, for what I said to him. Because that is my anger that came out, I felt
rejected, I was mad because I was thinking my kid is fucking amazing and you don’t
want to date me because you don’t want to date anyone with a kid. Whatever dude!!!
We kept talking and he had explained to me, about the main
reason why he didn't want to date anyone with a kid. His reason was because he
wanted to share that, that moment of having a child, the bond that you have
when creating this precious soul. He wanted the woman to not have experienced
that.
I felt like such an asshole afterwards, who am I to judge
what he wants. We all want something when we look for a partner, and we shouldn't
settle for anything less, and you know what I respect him for not backing down
on what he believed in. You have to look at it, and say it wasn't meant to be.
So to end this, if you are a single mother, the few tips
that I have to share with you, would be:
*Don’t introduce your kid to the guy that you are talking to
or even dating, not until you know you are 100% serious.
*If a guy tells you that he doesn't date woman with kids, don’t
get offended, no matter how he says it, just move on to the next one,
understand they have their reasoning.
*I like to let the guy know that I have
a child and what I am looking for.
*Do not disclose a lot of information about your kid, like
what school he goes too, or what he does after school, like extracurricular activities. (you never know who he is)
*If the relationship doesn't work out, don't throw it in the guys face on how much they are hurting the child. That is just your anger coming out.
Thanks for reading
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