Single mother and dating .........(Madre soltera and dating)

Miami, Florida 

Listening to: Will Smith 

Dating…. Dating is hard enough in real life, especially if you live in Miami, add a kid into the mix and it becomes just a little bit more difficult.

Well I haven’t had so many issues so far when it comes to dating and letting the guy know that I have a kid. I have had the famous question that always gets asked, “Do you have baby daddy drama”? Of course I tell them the truth, which truthfully I don’t.

The relationship that I have with my son’s father is one that we both work at every day. We have to work together, communicate; we both do this for our son.

I have come into contact with men, when they find out that you have a child, they usually run for the hills. Mainly because they think that if you have a child already then they believe that you are immediately ready to get married and settle down. Or the best one they automatically assume that you are looking for a father for your child. I have gotten that one a lot. Which Immediately I respond with, “my son has a father he doesn't need another one, thanks”. I have had men that want to meet your kid quickly, which to be honest, for me I tend to find that strange, call it being over protective but I don’t like to involve my child with anyone that I am dating until I know that I am 100% serious with them.

I think my son has met one boyfriend I ever dated after breaking up with his dad. I was with the guy for a year and he literally met him 3 times. I personally believe that I need to get to know the person well enough before my son comes in contact with any man that I have feelings for.

I remember one time I was talking to a guy, and I had revealed to him that I had a son. He was actually very nice about it and told me that honestly he doesn't want to date anyone with kids because of the fact that he did it once, and it was the worse feeling in the world when he had to break up with the girl. First he loved the little girl like it was his daughter, and the mother would throw that in his face when they had broken up, she would make him feel guilty for breaking her heart. He said Catalina when you break up with a woman without a kid it is hard, but when you break up with a woman that has a kid, not only you are hurting the woman, but you are hurting the child as well, and it hurts you ten times more than a regular break up. When he told me that, it made me see the other side. Sometimes we get offended when a guy, just blatantly says to you, nope sorry I don’t date chicks with kids. You feel rather offended, and that has happened to me as well. But you do have to realize that there is a reason behind it, just some guys say it in such a douche way that it makes you mad, and then there are the ones that will explain to you why.

I had one guy tell me, that he likes me and all but he really didn't want to date me because I had a kid. I got mad, and I threw in his face and said you are fucking 40 years old. Unless you start dating a 12 year old it will be very difficult to find a woman that doesn't have a kid. I laugh now, for what I said to him. Because that is my anger that came out, I felt rejected, I was mad because I was thinking my kid is fucking amazing and you don’t want to date me because you don’t want to date anyone with a kid. Whatever dude!!!

We kept talking and he had explained to me, about the main reason why he didn't want to date anyone with a kid. His reason was because he wanted to share that, that moment of having a child, the bond that you have when creating this precious soul. He wanted the woman to not have experienced that.

I felt like such an asshole afterwards, who am I to judge what he wants. We all want something when we look for a partner, and we shouldn't settle for anything less, and you know what I respect him for not backing down on what he believed in. You have to look at it, and say it wasn't meant to be.

So to end this, if you are a single mother, the few tips that I have to share with you, would be:

*Don’t introduce your kid to the guy that you are talking to or even dating, not until you know you are 100% serious.

*If a guy tells you that he doesn't date woman with kids, don’t get offended, no matter how he says it, just move on to the next one, understand they have their reasoning.

*I like to let the guy know that I have a child and what I am looking for.  

*Do not disclose a lot of information about your kid, like what school he goes too, or what he does after school, like extracurricular activities. (you never know who he is)

*If the relationship doesn't work out, don't throw it in the guys face on how much they are hurting the child. That is just your anger coming out.

Thanks for reading

 Catalina 

A letter to my son….

 Miami, Florida

March 19, 2014

Listening to: Nelly Furtado, Childhood Dreams

I am writing this letter to you today, because I have seen and experienced things in life and especially recently. Sometimes life deals us with some big lessons with decision's that we are unsure to make, or afraid to make. The decision of having you was the number 1 best decision of my life. Jonathan you bring so much joy and love into my life and all I want is the best for you like any parent would want for their child. Please read what I wrote to you, and carry these few things in your mind an in your heart.

Jonathan the amount of love that I have for you is indescribable, I honestly can’t even imagine where or how my life would be if I didn't have you. The past 9 years with you, have been the most amazing 9 years of my life.

I want to share some knowledge, words of wisdom with you, things that I will forever carry with me, and hopefully you will in your life.

Love yourself:  That is so important for you to take with you, in life there will be people who bring you down, even family, only because most of the time, they either are insecure about themselves or they just don’t get you. If they don’t get you then they are not meant to be in your life, don’t try to make them understand who Jonathan is.  Don’t believe what other people say to you, or think of you. What matters most is that you believe in yourself and realize what a great soul you are.

Be Kind: I want you to grow up to be a kind and a respectful man, now I don’t want you to be a pushover, because people will just take advantage of your good heart.

Do what you love: When it comes to life, do something that makes you want to wake up in the morning and go to work. Don’t let others discourage you, and tell you all these excuses I will list below.

You won’t make enough money.

No one is doing that anymore.

You will take too long to get a degree.

You’re not good at math maybe you can do this instead.

Did I tell you it won’t make enough money!

There are probably so many other reasons why people will try to convince you to do otherwise. Don’t listen, listen to your heart think it through and outweigh the pros and cons of everything before you make a Decision, but again at the end of the day it is your life and you have to do what makes you happy.

Keep imagining and day dreaming:  The most creative and successful people usually started out there ideas by day dreaming and imagining their inventions, not only that it keeps in touch with a different world where sometimes we like to be.

Have high expectations for only you: do not expect things from others because when you have high expectations of people they will end up disappointing you.

Learn from your mistakes: as humans we will all make mistakes in life, take everything that happens to you not as something negative but embrace it as a lesson. Learn from it and grow from that, sometimes you won’t learn the first, second or even third time, but once you have realized that whatever it is you are doing that is not good for you, stop doing it and try a different approach.

Be respectful to women and all people: we can be a difficult creature to understand sometimes, but really we are not that complicated, just always know that a woman wants to be shown love, affection, and they want to be heard even if you don’t agree with what they are saying, be a gentleman, open doors for all women, let them go in first, hold the elevator and let everyone get out first, if you see someone that needs help, then help them.

Do not judge people: Try your hardest to not judge people, even if you do not agree with what they have done, will do or are thinking of doing. You can’t judge because you don’t live there life and you can’t understand what they are going through. Never say that you will never do that, because you might one day end up eating those words.

Speak your mind: don’t be afraid to voice your opinion on something, stand up for yourself. If you feel like someone is taking advantage of you or if they are judging you then speak up. No one will ever know how you feel or where you stand if you don’t use your voice.

I will always be here for you: Jonathan always know that I will always be here for you no matter what, know that you shouldn't be afraid to come and talk to me about anything. Know that I am so proud of you and the man that you will become one day, you have been such an amazing gift in my life and you have changed my life in so many ways. I am so happy and proud to be your mother and I want you to always know that.

Love always with all my heart

Mom  

Friendship...

Miami, Fl 

March 16, 2014

So recently I have been through some changes in my life.

I have realized one big thing when you are going through some heavy shit in your life; you see who your true friends are. I have known my co workers for literally 6 months. Let’s just say when I was in a bind they were there to catch me when I fell, literally. I will be forever indebted to both of them, especially my co worker, she did something that I don’t know how I could ever repay her.

This blog is dedicated to you Doll face, which is what we call her. She has always supported me since the moment I have met her, we are like kindred spirits. She has been the shoulder to cry on, the warm embrace, and she always tried to give me the best advice even though I may not have always listened too. I will not disclose the personal issue that I recently have gone through in my life because it is rather painful to speak of.

This blog is dedicated not only to doll face, but dedicated to the friendships that I have built among the many years that I have been on this earth, I dedicate this to friendships.

We expect our friends to do what we would do, we choose our friends because we see something that we may relate to or we want to be like.

For instance my friend that I have known for almost 23 years, we will call her Dr. B.

Dr. B. has never judged me, has always stuck by my side even though her life has been a roller coaster of its own. Not in a bad way, roller coaster of studying, roller coaster of raising a family and being strong through it all. She has always been my role model of how to be successful in life. We have grown and seen each other mature and raise our children, dealing with the tough shit that life throws at us, but one thing she has always taught me is to stay positive, there is the silver lining, the light at the end of the tunnel.

Then we have the banker, the diva banker we will call her. She is another long friendship that I have had about 14 years, we have had our moments in our friendship that we have not seen eye to eye. We have lost touch and then got back together; we have a connection of sorts. Sometimes you have to remind her to be there for you, with her you have to speak up, because sometimes she is oblivious to what your needs are, I sometimes think she is like a man trapped in a woman’s body. But once you let her know she is there, sometimes it gets me upset that I have to remind her to be there, but that’s because she spreads herself pretty thin when it comes to her social circle. When we are together we can do anything and still have a good time, and talk for hours about life and men and all the crap that we are going through.

Then we have Gordy, She is a tough cookie in some way, but then she is a softy at heart. We can hang out and do nothing and talk about anything and the time flies, she is like an older sister for me, not that much older.  Sometimes I feel like she doesn’t understand me, but really deep down she does. She always is trying to protect and wants nothing but the best for me. I hate it when she is mad at me, I don’t like to feel that I have disappointed her in any way. We have only known each other for such a short amount of time, but we have connected very quickly. She had me at the statement when she said “we are all crazy” yes we all are.

Then there is my little sushi, sushi is much younger than me, but let me tell you this young little baby sushi has taught me so much, she is wise for her years. We are very much connected, we have a bond that I don’t think anyone can take away and I adore her dearly, I hope for sushi is to grow and be strong, well I mean to be much stronger than what she is, she is such an amazing woman, so smart and caring, beautiful inside and out, and as well crazy. I love and adore this woman and so happy to have her in my life.

You must be thinking these are crazy ass nick names that I have for my friends. They are and I really do call them these names.

Last but not least we have doll face, doll face is like another sister to me, protects me, and only wants me to be happy in my life and is my number one supporter, I know I must drive her bananas with my stories of the same thing about the same guy, but she sits there and listens to me no matter how repetitive I can be with my stories, she is very patient with me. I loved a statement she had made to me once. “Cata, I wish I could put you in a bubble so nothing can hurt you”.

I have more friends that are there in my life and sometimes we don’t see each other as often as we would like, but all I can say is that all my friends that are there for me, have a very special place in my heart.

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” 
― Elbert Hubbard

Thanks again to the ones that were there for me in this moment in my life, when I needed strength and support. I will always be grateful for your kindness and advice, and all your positive thoughts.

I love you.

Thanks for reading

Catalina