Im done...

Miami, Fl

Three years ago you made a decision that will change your life and mine as well. You decided, chose, felt the need to go with someone else and to break all the trust that I had in you and most of the human kind.

At the time you had destroyed my world with the lies that had come out of your mouth constantly. I didn’t know what to believe if you thought I was beautiful or not. You would say things to me that would make me think twice. I had questioned myself worth so many times. Our love was toxic; we were both so fucked up with our selves that it was not easy to love one another the normal regular way. There was lots of anger and tears, lots of resentment towards one another. There were some good times, but when the bad outweighed the good it’s not healthy to stay.

I realized a lot of things being alone these past 3 years, and I realized myself worth so much more. I know I was not what you had pictured in your mind to be with. But you know what you were never something I had pictured of being with either until I fell in love with you. The love I had for you was so intense and yes again it was not healthy in many ways. But I loved you, did you? Only you know that answer.

Why am I writing this? I know you read this! I want you to know that I am not looking back anymore. My past is my past they are distant memories, I need to build my life and fix the broken so I can find the healthy relationship that I deserve. Someone that will love me for me, not just pieces of me. It’s funny how you can be with someone and find them so beautiful and love everything about them, and then they shatter your world into little pieces and make you see the ugly in them.

I have forgiven you in my heart and I am healing every day little by little, but what doesn’t help when you keep contacting me. I do not at all play the innocent one in this sick little game we have played with one another.

I’m done!!!

I want you to live your life happy or not however you are feeling. I don’t want any part of it, I don’t want to know what you think after you read my blog. I really don’t care anymore. You can read it all you want it is a public thing, just don’t text me at night when I’m sleeping to know your story. You lost that privilege, you chose that for yourself.

I know what you might be thinking, that I am not an innocent bystander in this, you will bring up many things like the car. But guess what I don’t care anymore about your pain. This may be harsh and cruel but to be honest I’m sorry for being so callous but that is how I feel towards you if you decide to bring up those things. This is one thing that I think about the type of betrayal that you have done to me does not add up to the things that I have done.

I do not wish anything bad towards you; I don’t have hate towards you either. I choose not to be the bitter woman that a situation like that should have created me into.

Things happen in life for many reasons, I believe this had to happen to me for many reasons, one of them is this blog, I have lots of people who read this, and hope fully they read this and take something from it, maybe they are going through similar experiences maybe they can learn how to forgive the way I have with you, as long as I have affected one person that is all that matters. I will never know if I have changed someone or made them realize something, but as long as I keep thinking it maybe it will happen and if not oh well. This is my outlet this is my way of talking about my life, of letting go of the past.

Hopefully you can fix your issues, and live a happy life. I know I am doing that right now by letting you go for good.

Good bye and thanks to whom ever does read this blog.

Sincerely

Catalina

Binge eating....

Miami, Fl

In life we all have some form of addiction. One person may be addicted to soda, and some others to shopping. Whatever it is, at the end of the day anything to excess is never good. The person that drinks all the soda will and can eventually get diabetes, the one that goes shopping will just be in debt.

Now this does not go for everyone but for most. 

Addiction is not an easy thing to just get rid of from one day to the next. Maybe for some but it is rare.

I have spoken about my addictions on here several times. One thing that I really want to talk about is Binge eating, a lot of people don’t think it is such a problem of course because most people have not had that.

Let me explain to you what exactly happens, first how it works for me is when I am extremely stressed out I will get very mad (that is really anxiety), and I feel like my body is telling me I’m hungry. Really it is not hunger, so what happens next is I can either go and make some really big meal to feed a family serve myself a plate eat that plate and go for more, usually the plate entails carbs or starches. Like rice oh my god how much I love rice. So I just go for more and more and more until I can’t even breathe.

That’s the problem I don’t give my body time to realize I’m full like a normal person. The trick is to eat a decent size meal and wait twenty minutes so your stomach can send the message to your brain that you have been fed, I never did that. I would just keep going; of course that is a bad thing. Sometimes I would go to a fast food place and order so much food. It’s like that saying you eat with your eyes. Usually it is not when you are stressed or upset that it happens but now your body is so use to this routine that you have made that at that time of day you normally binge which for me it was always at night, late at night. I use to be able to eat a whole large pizza by myself with bread sticks and a dessert. I became large for a reason because I was not taking care of myself and it was hard for me to get out of that routine or the vicious circle that I was in. when you finally decide one day that you want to change that you are so sick of this person that you have become, there will be this click or a light bulb that just turns on and makes you realize that you cannot keep living like this.

What made me want to write about this was because just last week I was stressed about some stuff going on in my life, I was not able to go work out last week because of my schedule of work it didn’t give me the time to do it. So one thing just triggered me, and I went crazy I had so much chocolate and I ate fast food, which I rarely do. Let just say I binged and felt so horrible after and was upset with myself to reverting back to my old ways, and was scared that I wouldn’t be able to stop.

I said to myself that I was not going to continue to do this to myself and that I am not going to get back to the way that I was.

Today even though I was tired from work, when it was time to go to crossfit, I went and I felt ten times better.

So for those people that are suffering from some sort of addiction whether it be food or other things try to find something healthy to do, realize that you don’t have to continue the way you are living, you can choose to change yourself but it is only you that makes that decision, no one can tell you to do something or change that one thing that you may not like. Trust me it is not an easy road it is always a constant battle especially with the stresses of life that come your way. So try to maybe go for a walk and then make it a longer walk the next day and little by little you add more. You don’t have to go crazy and join crossfit or something like that, start off slow. That is exactly how I did it, I started walking in my neighborhood then I joined a gym, and now I am in crossfit, and to be honest I love it so much it is the best thing that I decided to do. I’ve met extremely cool ass people who motivate me every day when I am there. Especially my coach she is Amazing!! She is so sweet but still pushes you and motivates you so much.

Hope this has inspired you in some way.

Sincerely

Catalina