I believe I have
spoken before about what my passion is. I had discovered painting about a few
years back. I’ve gotten good feedback from a lot of people, as well I had
recently branched out to doing other styles of art work, so I don’t just do
abstract art. About 3 months ago I felt my world kind of slowly started falling
apart around me.
I was working at a job, where I was miserable in. Now I wasn’t miserable doing the work, I was just miserable with the way that I was being treated on a daily basis. I felt that I was verbally and emotionally abused in many ways. Let’s just say kids are not the only ones that are getting bullied these days, adults are as well. Things that were said to me were truly very inappropriate to say or ask, the tension in that office was always on high. You basically had to walk on egg shells around certain people; it was a very bi polar environment to be in. I was miserable always trying to prove myself of how hard I was working, but I just kept getting told that I had no heart in my job. When someone keeps bashing you constantly over and over again, of course you are not going to want to put your effort into it anymore. They never saw up even until the last day that I had worked there I would arrive an hour early before anyone else was there and leave 2 or even possible 3 hours after work, probably mentioning a few times I stayed late, but when I kept getting reprimanded for that I just stopped mentioning it and stayed late anyway without asking for more money, but remember I have no heart. I had found another position at another job and informed them of my new employment. I was happy but yes I was emotional as well, I have always been the type of person to care and I will always care 10 times more then the next person. One day I woke up not wanting to go back into work, I had informed that I would be late. I had called the new job to see if could start earlier, they said yes and agreed with me that I could start that following week. I was so happy, but terrified for what I was about to do. I’ve never left a job so abruptly the way I did with this one. It sucked the life out of me, I was always crying and unhappy and tired, feeling bad about me getting beat down a lot, it’s not a great feeling to have. I texted them, they were not the most ethical company I have worked for or even professional for that matter. Plus I didn’t have the balls to call, so I sent a text saying that I wasn’t coming back and that was it. Feeling relieved of this big stress that was lifted, I pretty much just stayed home for a while then got ready to go out, feeling happy for what I did, never thinking that my world started slowing crumbling right after that. Hours later driving to my nieces house, I had checked my email what I saw there just shocked me and couldn’t believe this had just happened. The new job that I had gotten hired for- which I had signed all the papers did the drug test did everything that I was asked to do. They had sent me an email stating that the job that I was hired for the position was frozen.
Monday came a long and I had called that company to find out
more information on why this was done and maybe I would just start later or
something. Nope I would not be working there at all.
It totally crossed my mind that the old job had something to
do with this, but then I thought, ok yeah that’s fucked up if they did it but
what am I going to do with knowing that information, that will not pay my
bills. I just needed to figure out how I was going to be paying my rent and
everything else. I had applied to everything you can imagine.
I Started painting up a storm that was all I would do paint,
look for jobs online, sleep, eat and repeat. I barely was going out. I was
trying to find ways of making money to be able to save my place; I was selling
purses and paintings. I was hustling my shit like it was crack.
The realization of many things with all of this that
happened to me was it made me conquer some fears I have had for a while, it
made me sign up for my 1st art show, and it made me start painting
and discovering so many other things to paint. It made me realize who my true
friends are. It made me forgive a lot of people, it made to never forget. This has
made me stronger; secure about whom I love this person that I am becoming. I am
much happier in life doing what I love to do. Will it put food on the table, no….
not yet… but it will.
One thing that I am still working on is, learning to let go
of the anger that is why I have my painting to release that. I just want to say
to those that have come into my life and were there because it was beneficial
to you in some way to find out information about others but not even care at
all about what I am going through….. fuck you, for those friendships that ended
for the most dumbest reason on this planet and never having the balls to
discuss with me on how you felt, but you can discuss it with everyone else and
their mother, and having people uninvited me to a party because you couldn’t bear
to see my face….Fuck you, for those who will not speak to me because of that
friendship or randomly talk to me whenever you are bored…..Fuck you, for those
guys who have lied and cheated and called me because they wanted something from
me but pretend they don’t and then call me crazy only when I call them out on
their shit, or men that have told me in my face they would fuck me but not date
me because I’m too FAT!!…..Fuck you, and last but not least for that person or
persons that insulted me profusely and treated me like garbage and loved being
fake and phony about anything and everything, the difference between you and
me, is that I know how to love and I know how to change my ways, but you don’t and
you never will……… Thanks for showing me that shitty side of this world has to
offer……fuck yoooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu.
I have a right to be angry.
I have found me, and
will continue to find me, I have found these two incredible friends who are so
supportive and don’t gossip like they are channel 7 news. I still have a way to go when it comes to my
struggles, but little by little the good will come out of this all and it will
show in my art.
Thank you for Reading
All the paintings you see in this blog are for sale just email me at artbycata@gmail.com
Check me out on instagram and on facebook just type in Artbycata.
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