Listening to: Sia
Song: Chandelier
FYI: I am obsessed with this song, love the video too.
I have not been inspired in a while, it’s crazy when
everything is going good or what we call “normal” I’m not inspired to write,
but when I start getting this funny feeling in the pit of my stomach, some
would call it anxiety, I would like to call it that time of the month when a
woman becomes, over analytical and emotional and just thinks way to much about
everything.
I have been in many
situations where I as a woman going through this hormonal roller coaster have
been called, crazy, insecure, and emotional. I feel a difference when this time
comes, I feel like something is wrong with me.
Is there something wrong with me?
I notice when I am alone I go through the motions when it is
the time of the month, just like any other day. I don’t have to worry about hurting anyone’s
feelings, or having to apologize for being annoying or just angry. When there
is someone new in my life especially the male species, I get extra emotional,
insecure, and “crazy”.
I try to hide it as best that I can, because I don’t like to
have to explain why I am acting all weird. I try to hibernate. Live my life as
normal as possible.
I met this guy recently, this is just a friendship, and I
liked him when we first met, but he felt differently towards me. He was so nice
and such a change from everyone that I have met, that we stayed friends. He is
honest and open about his feelings, knows how to communicate. I liked that,
finally someone that I can have deep conversations with, and be myself and
goofy and just not care.
I met him when my hormones were normal. We have hung out and
seen each other several times, had long conversations, so he knows the real
me!!! The silly, quirky, and adorable me.
Recently since I’m going through those womanly, monthly
situations i.e. (period). I have been so stupid and feel so nuts around him. I
have been very open to him about my emotions, which of course every woman says
that is a big NO, NO. Like I've said before he is not someone I've met before.
I think the difference is that he is getting his doctorate in psychology. That
does make a huge difference. He understands
the mind, and the reactions to things that happen to you in your life, and the
control of hormones and other things.
He is so smart and funny; he is a kind person. When you are
feeling down and out he will always try to relate to you in some way. Yes of
course that is his profession to help make you feel better but he doesn't have
to tell you his secrets or insecurities, but he does. This is what I have been
looking for when it comes to a male friend, I only truly found that with one
other person but he went away to live in panama, and I haven’t really ever
spoken to him again. He was the only other guy that I was able to just talk to
for hours and laugh and be myself 100%.
I have always been an outspoken kind of gal, open and honest
and never been afraid of expressing myself, now as I get older, I actually don’t
even care about what people think about me. I know what I want in a person when
it comes to involving them into my precious life. This life should only be surrounded
by people who love and care for you. Who will try to push you to be a better
person and want you to be happy in life!
I know God brings people
in our lives for a reason, sometimes we don’t know why or what will come out if
it, but there is always the silver lining at the end of it. I most definitely believe
in that. There is always good that comes out of things and yes even especially
the negative things, you just have to be open and aware of what they are.
So to my new friend, whom I've known for a brief moment, but
I feel I've known you for a very long time. I don’t know how much time we have
in each other’s life but I do want to say thank you for being so real, honest,
and different. You have made me see that other than the men in my family, there
are real men out there. I always knew there were, but it was starting to become
a myth in my mind like the loch ness monster or big foot.
“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in
your future, and accepts you just the way you are. “
Thanks for reading.
Catalina
