Miami, Florida May 28,2013
So it has
been a while that I have written a blog.
To be honest
I’ve been trying to figure things out in my life. I have noticed this anger has
been sitting inside of me for a while. I feel bitter and sad and unsatisfied
with life and the dumb decisions that I have been making lately.
I recently
have been in contact with a friend that I have not spoken to in about a year. I
have grown up with this friend. We have known each other since we were in the
fourth grade.
The reason
why we haven’t spoken to each other is because of life. She is off pursuing her
all time dream job of becoming a doctor. So you can imagine what she has been
going through.
She has an
amazing story of perseverance, and following your dream no matter what obstacle
comes your way. I have always admired her in so many ways, especially her
belief and dedication with in herself, and what she has done with her life.
Just having
her back in my life has made me miss a lot of the things that we had in the
past. I do believe that people come in to your life for a reason, and we seem
to always find each other over, and over again.
I have been
in a standstill lately with my life. I have been doing the same thing when it
come to work for the past 2 years and a half, and now when I think I am more
than capable to do more with my career in the hotel business, I have been
getting the doors shutting in my face for the other jobs that I have been
interested, and applying to. I realized that this is what I need to continue to
be doing, I am meant for hospitality. At least for now! Hospitality runs in the
veins when it comes to my family. I get it from my father, and my grandfather. So
now that I want more and I know I can do more I feel like they are not giving
it to me. It’s really frustrating when you only want to do so much more with yourself
but you get your past to bite you in the ass!!! they use that as an excuse for
the reason to not move me up.
It’s not
only work that I am frustrated with, it’s been as well dating. I have realized
once again, (because of course I am a very stubborn woman that I have to hit my
head against the wall several times to realize that what I am doing is not for
me at this very moment). I just canceled my membership to match.com one of the
reasons why I want to leave match, is mainly because I don’t want to continue
doing this, and eventually be a bitter woman against all men. I never wanted to
be that woman, so that is why I will stop while I am ahead. Why do I say that,
well because I have been proven right time after time with the men I have dated
so far. So leaving there with that impression is not a good thing, I know there
are good men out there. I just truly believe at this moment in my life I am not
ready yet for anyone. I thought I was, but truthfully it was just all the
pressure of the fact that I am getting older, and all of my family members are
in committed relationships, and it rather sucks when you are at a family
function, and you are the only one without a partner.
The only way
that I will be able to get the change that I want in my life is to just be
persistent, and not quit at all with my goals, I am going to give myself some
goals for the next 5 months. I will give myself a short term goal for now.
What I want
to do is eventually move up when it comes to a career, so I will apply to every
job that I know that I can do, and see what bites.
The next goal is to lose 30 pounds by November,
why November well that is when my little brother gets married and I have an
idea in my head of what I want to look like and wear for this wedding. I will
post the picture of the dress and the look for the wedding day.
Another goal
would be to stop smoking so when I am financially able to I will buy the vapor
shark. (Because right now I haven’t been able to do something for me because I have
been backed up on bills).
Then the
ultimate thing would be to sign back up to crossfit, I thought I would have
been able to do that this week but of course life gives you some curve balls. So
once again I have to wait and hopefully next week I can sign back up again.
I want to be
happy again, I want to feel fulfilled, and that is the thing my life has been
so stagnant that I need change and I am so ready for it.
One more
surprising thing that some readers will probably be surprised about me, I know I’ve
mentioned this in other post before, but I am going to be celibate. I have
realized that is what I need for myself; it is for my own personal reasons that
I am going to do this.
I am going
to write more blogs a little more often, I would say once a week and I will
keep track of all the things that I need to do, like my weight, nicotine
consumption, job status and days of being celibate.
I need to do
this for myself, I want this so bad this change. So wish me luck, the next blog
with my first weigh in and all will be Jun 1st and you can keep
track of my progress throughout the 5 months.
Thanks
Catalina
